Times like the present have me wishing. Times like now have me day-dreaming and reminiscing. Times like these leave me with a dull ache in my chest. It is on days like today, I wish 'things' weren't the way they are. Weird as it may seem, I think deeper and push the boundaries of sanity more when I am hungry. So it is in moments like now, when my stomach seems to be digesting itself that I delve deep into my thoughts, and come up with totally random ideologies and conclusions. What better place to put them than on this handy-dandy blog that wont roll its eyes at me, or suggest I go for psychiatric evaluation. I am not crazy, I am just hungry, damn it...
The past coupla days saw me taking a huge step, a step that was fairly overdue. A step that might have left a lot of loose ends for me to wrap up, but was beneficial to all involved. And as with all major difficult steps, my decision left me a little lightheaded, excited, confused, expectant...but certain. I finally let go... 'You finally let go?' I hear someone ask? Yes, I did. 'Well, why were you holding on?' I think I hear someone else ask. Ah my dear reader, questions had me holding on. Questions that I had to ask...and answer before I knew which turn to take. Asking and answering them all here would make this post longer than we would both like. So today you'll only read of two...
Love. What is it?
Yeah, yeah...most people agree that the definition is the one found in a dictionary (look it up). I, however, have always thought the definition of love relative. One tailors it to their own circumstances and experiences. This most recent circumstance other than teaching me what love was, had me realizing what love was not. Its not everyday MystiQue pleads guilty, but in this case I was guilty as charged. I made my definition of love so tailored and 'relative', I convinced myself that what wasn't love...was. Love does not compromise, as I did. Love is not impatient, as I was most times. Love does not try to change its subject, as I did so many times. Love does not wish for something more, or less...as I so often did. Love does not convincing, it does not need justification or reasons, as I tried to provide. Most importantly love does not try as hard or as often as I did... Love accepts, love understands, love is patient, love is spontaneous, love does not need a reason, love is not convenient... Love is what I had not felt for a while.
On Happiness...whose?
As I said in a previous post happiness is mostly so scarce in life, when found it should be preserved, and sought constantly. When sought, and not found, all pursuit should be halted,and new avenues pursued. It is a 'survival tactic.' So when in 'love' who should be happy? Is it the one who changes the other, and rejoices as the other conforms to his/her needs? Or is it the one who continues in their ways, blissfully unaware of their other's need or want of change? I think neither. And when neither is happy, the pursuit of happiness has failed, and a new avenue necessary...
As more random thoughts sprout, I see the need to stop, before I completely ignore these walls of sanity barely holding me in.
Blessed MystiQue over and out, in search of sustenance..ahem FOOD!!
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