Lessons Learnt

I came expectant, excited and terrified. I saw what I was expecting, and that my excitement and terror were very justified. And on the 9th of May I conquered it all. The door that was shut in my face in the previous post, the one I was staring at...opened suddenly a few days ago, and now standing on the other side, I am at a loss for words. You know how people always tell you that everything happens for a reason and that there is a lesson to be learnt in every trial and after every hurdle... 'they' forget to tell you how to see the lesson, or the reasons. The day the door burst open, I sat down and tried to do that which my mother used to complain I never did: listen. After listening, and listening...I finally got the following out of it:

1. Complete Surrender

It is a moment's thought (or less) to say Lord I am letting go of the reins... it takes a breath (or less) to say that He is the Controller and Leader of my life. But it takes so much more to really and completely...Surrender. When that door was closed in my face, I was angry...wait angry is an understatement... I was furious, putrid, fuming...and every other word that means very very angry that you can think of. I didn't understand why. Why, if I had completely given Him control, bad things were happening to ruin 'the plan.'

The lesson: When you completely let go, you have No control, and therefore you should not be angry when things go a certain way... It takes more that just a prayer to completely surrender, it takes understanding exactly what you're surrendering and what surrendering it will mean...

2. Special Treatment

I have always prided myself on being level headed, and humble. In my mind I am still the little brown skinned girl, running around under the warm African sun, and dancing in the rain. But I am human. I think the interviews, and the praise, and the awards were slowly...but surely getting to my head. I would walk into an office, say my name, and immediately get congratulations and questions and more praise. People would stop me in the street and know I was the girl from Zimbabwe, and tell me they were happy for me. It blew my head up...

The lesson: Our achievements and accomplishments aren't even ours. They are droplets of Mercy...showers of Blessing sent to touch more than just us, sent for a purpose. They are not ours to bask in or take pride in. The door that was closed in my face should have been closed. I was slacking banking on what i called credit, from the success I had had.

This experience taught, or rather reminded, me i don't deserve any better treatment than the next man. Who I am, what I have done or where I have been, does not determine how people should act around me, or what they should be willing to put on the line so I can go on. My dreams are my dreams, they are my responsibility. I expected people to see i had places to go and people to see. I expected them to drop it all, risk it all and push me ahead...Uhm, it don't work that way honey. My dream, my passion, my work, my neck on the line...

Constantly learning,
MystiQue