Birthday Reflections.

I am yet to meet anyone whose birthdays are always as emotional as mine. In one day I go through so many thoughts, emotions, ups and downs that honestly by midnight I'm glad the day is over.

The Downs:

I left home for college on my birthday...six years ago. My first day in a new country was rough. As rough as you can imagine it being for a 17 year old African girl, who had not finished high school, had grown up fairly comfortable and sheltered...and now found herself in a 97% African-American college with no friends or relatives anywhere near. Now every birthday that rolls by, I remember that last goodbye at the airport. The last time I was in my mother's arms, the hope and innocence that filled me. I wonder how it's been 6 years since that day. I remember all the 'things' I have been through. Things I dont have the courage to talk about to anyone, or even think of writing about, yet...

The Ups:

Man, I have met some evil people. I have been in situations no mother would want their child in, but God carried me through. I have been terrified. I have been helpless. I have been homeless. Almost abused, taken advantage off, scared for my life....but God pulled me through. In 6 years I have learnt so much. So much about myself, about human beings, about my God. I have learnt lessons you can only learn if you've been as low as I have been. In the past 6 years God has helped me accomplish things most African girls that never finished high school will never have the chance to try for. A bachelors and masters degree in science at 23 is not bad, if I may say so myself.

So though I am still glad my birthday came, and passed this year...I am even more glad to be where I am now.

Of new beginnings: began and pending

It’s really ironic, or maybe more sad than ironic. I started this blog for the sole purpose of spilling out my thoughts, opinions, and insecurities in the form of words into cyberspace where they could no longer burden me…Now in my most trying times, when I have inexplicable, and impossibly heavy thoughts and insecurities, I avoid my blog for months, because I have no words to describe the contents of my head and heart. Sad, right?

Ten months since I last wrote on this blog, TEN MONTHS? Seriously? Geez! That should give you a hint as to how ‘not myself’ I have been lately, well not so lately it seems. Anyhoo…just browsing over my last few blogs (from ten months ago), I had to chuckle because man oh man so much has changed in my life, and in my ‘wants’. First off, the ‘demon possessed colleague’ I wished would get fired…left work about 2 months after I wrote about him. No credit to me, however, he (demon-possessed-colleague) deserves it ALL. He quit, well let’s just call it quitting. It caused a great big shebang here…people changing locks to cabinets…etc. But now so many months later, he is turning into a story we only tell at gatherings or to new employees: “You’re lucky you weren’t here when *bleep*….” SO that’s one good thing.

And my sudden calling to teaching? Umm…yeah, that’s history too. The reason why it was so hard for me to accept a future as a college professor was simply because I didn’t ‘really’ want it. FYI: once you get into a PhD program (disclaimer: in my field)…you only get so many options. To me ten months ago, teaching was the best option on a very short list. The things I thought I could do with a PhD, I cant, well not really. What I need to do those things I ran away from because I got spooked…ugh. Long story short, I wont be here for long. I am not spooked anymore…I’m going for what I really wanted. Now, that’s my calling. I’ll come back and let you know what ‘that’ path is once I end this one…so watch this space…I swear I wont be gone another ten months, hehe.

Aside from making life altering decisions, I decided to start a hustle. Yes, a hustle. I have been doing my own hair for 2 years now, and I think I do a fairly good job, so why not do hair and get paid instead of spening my entire Saturday watching Snapped reruns over and over…? First client is this weekend, May God be with me!!

And with you J

Love,